New England Behavioral Health’s, Child Specialist, Andrea Schear LCSW is a 20 year child psychotherapist and specializes in treating children ages 2-12. Ms. Schear utilizes a “Systems” perspective. Ms. Schear engages with family members to enhance communication skills, anger management, and parenting skills.

The “systems” approach takes into consideration the impact of the child’s family/educational environment and expectations as well as their peer relationships.” Ms.Schear, utilizes “Play Therapy” because young children have “magical thinking,” and can communicate most effectively via play. “Play Therapy” allows children to express what is troubling them while building rapport and trust with the therapist. For older children, outdoor activities or board games often work as vehicles to help the child open up. Most children seem to benefit from learning to relax and self-soothe.

One of the relaxation tools that Ms Schear employs is “Guided Imagery”. These exercises provide the child an opportunity to release stress. Most importantly, the child can transfer these skills to handle day to day stressors. The strides children make in therapy can have a significant impact on the family system.

The Importance of Play

A child’s language is “play” and it is the child’s most valuable tool. Through play, children work out their fears, worries, and relationships. Play also helps a child to develop a deeper understanding of themselves in relation to the world; and expands their self-esteem, social skills and problem solving skills. Therefore, to relate to a child, it is important to play with them. A parent who plays with his or her child, validates their child’s feelings of self-worth.
Often, parents say they do not know how to play. Ms. Schear works with parents to help them “reawaken their playfulness”. Frequently, when parents make the effort to spend “quality play time” with their child, the child’s compliance and mood improves. “Active” listening builds trust between the child and their parent(s) which provides a firm foundation for communication during the later adolescent years, when the child’s developmental task is to separate from the parent.

Family Dynamics

Most parents seem to value discussing an array of disciplinary approaches and developing tools to enhance their parenting skills. Frequently, parents bring their children to therapy to improve their social skills. Many parents find it helpful to examine the impact that their own upbringing has on their current parenting style. There are definitive developmental stages that all children go through, such as a 3 year olds egocentricity and unwillingness to share his/her toys is developmentally appropriate. Parenting styles need to take into considerations these developmental milestones in order to provide effective discipline. Many parents these days tend to shield their children from natural consequences.
Consequences are key to learning life lessons and without them the child is not getting feedback for their actions and reactions. Therefore, when parents rush to protect their child at every turn, the child loses the opportunity to learn from his/her own mistakes, decisions and choices. Children also need to develop boundaries and empathy in order to relate to others. Ms. Schear, believes children need to spend less time in front of the television and/or video games; and more time outside with their peers, building friendships and their social skills will naturally develop.

In the frenetic pace of today’s times, it’s very useful to institute a period of “quiet time” everyday at home. Many children today are so used to going “non-stop,” that slowing down and becoming calm is experienced as “boring.” Teaching your child how to enjoy a feeling of “peace and tranquility” is a parenting responsibility; and it’s just as important as involving your child in extracurricular activities. Developing the child’s capacity to “self-soothe and relax” provides a lifelong skill that prepares the child for the stressors and expectations of adulthood.

Self-Esteem

Developing a child’s self-esteem and ability to accept responsibilities has many components. Over time, Ms. Schear has seen a decline in children having chores and contributing to the household. The purpose of chores is not merely to develop a work force, but rather to give the child something to be responsible and accountable for. The child begins to see that their presence matters and that they are doing something which contributes to the greater whole; a self-esteem booster. As an added benefit, organizational skills are also developed, as well as a sense of timing and pride.

Healthy Development

In recent years, our clinicians have observed that many children are spending too much time watching television or playing video games. Both of these activities, if done for a long period of time, actually put their brains in a sort of “sleep” mode. More children than ever seem to have difficulty relating to their peers as they have often developed intellectual skills and underdeveloped social skills. Children benefit greatly from outdoor play. Daily physical exercise can greatly help many behavioral problems such as attention problems, mood disorders and anxiety disorders.

Trust

If a child thinks that their therapist is going to report every detail, the child will not disclose what is really bothering them. Some therapists believe that it is acceptable to share the majority of what the child discloses to the child’s parents. Respecting the child’s confidentiality is one way Ms. Schear establishes trust; this enabling the child to talk about difficult issues in a safe setting. The bond and rapport that the child and the therapist share is the primary catalyst for change. Andrea works with the child individually and also meets with the parents on a regular basis.